I will be 30 in a week. This fact has made me think about the life I am living now and comparing it to the life I would like to live. Nonetheless, there are many amazing things I have taken for granted. I have a loving wife. I have a stable job that pays well with reasonable hours. I have a house with the most beautiful yard in our neighbourhood. I may be a bit out of shape but I have been incredibly healthy without any major concerns to this point in my life.
Why then do I have so much I want to change? I want to change because I know my life could be even better. However, it is difficult to simultaneously be thankful for what I have and yet want it to be better. I have been in my job and my house for about a year now which is a part of the problem. Though I have a great job, it is not something I love and I often end up spending my free time doing a lot of meaningless things like scrolling through my phone. I have some yearly goals like preparing for hunting and some long term goals like being a writer, but life feels a bit stuck. I feel a bit stuck in a place where I have a lot, but I have a lot I want to achieve.
Lately I have been watching hunting videos because in those moments you see how alive people look. I have felt it myself every time I have gone and then life just starts to drone on. I don’t know how to spend my free time. I want to be there living life, but I spend time on my phone watching people live their lives. Perhaps that is the problem. Perhaps I have lived vicariously through the people I am watching and as a result I have become both content and discontent with the life I live. I am content because I do not change my life, but I am discontent because I want to.
So where does a person go from here? It is easy to see the problems and the place to begin improving, but it is hard to actually take the actions necessary. It is hard to sit at the computer and write after a long day of work followed by exercise while on a diet. All of those factors make me not want to write. So I sit on my phone, content to let those goals pass by me. But then there are some nights like tonight where I sit down to write and consider the real challenges I am facing. The challenge is not what to do, it is having the willpower to do it. It is not about the motivation, it is about the action and doing the action even when I do not want to.
That challenge is the real challenge we all face. However, those who can overcome the apathy of inaction are able to achieve the things they want to. They can bow hunt every year and harvest an elk every year. They can write and present their ideas to the world. The only difference between them and people like me is that they actually take action when they are tired and don’t want to. They take the risk of putting themselves out there to the wilderness of nature or the wilderness of the internet.
As such, this will be the first blog of many where I discuss this journey to actually put my thoughts into words and share them. I do not know where it will take me, but I hope you join me for the ride. If there is one thing I would like to do in my 30’s it is to take action and chase difficult and challenging goals. I would like to follow through even when I don’t want to because I do not want to arrive at old age wishing I had lived the life I wanted to. I want to arrive at old age with a family I love having lived a life without regret.